Lately I've been thinking a lot about all this hubbub about leaning in and not working from home and what women should be doing to be successful in the work place. I've been having a hard time organizing my thoughts on this into a concrete argument, so forgive me if this is a tad stream of consciousness.
Obviously, as a "working mother" I have a dog in this fight. I am walking out of my door every morning and going to another place where I sit down and do stuff. I cannot take my child with me to this place and so my child goes somewhere where someone else watches her.
Just so we're all clear on where I stand on the "stay at home" vs "going to work" mom debate. I think whatever works for you and your kids is what you should be doing. Personally, to me, this is not my ideal situation. It is to some people. I do know that the day care where my daughter goes is made up of awesome people, and she in no way is suffering from going there. Far from it, she gets a lot of attention and play time, and socializes with a bunch of other kids. If I were a "stay at home mom", I would still have her in play groups or part time day care for the socialization.
Now as far as "leaning" into anything, I think that's great advice for young women. People without families. Yeah! Go for it! Put everything into your career. Don't worry about work/family balance until its something you feel you need to worry about, ie you're getting ready to start a family.
And here's where it falls apart for me, because no mater what the ideal is, the reality is that this part of it falls on the women. This is not a "choice" that fathers are usually asked to make, or even consider. There is very little national conversation about "Working Dads." "Stay at Home Dads" are only talked about as this novelty of modern parenting. No one tells a father they are doing the wrong thing by returning to work after their child is born, because it is culturally accepted that they will go back to work.
Even in situations where the debate is "Who will stay at home," another reality comes into play. On average, women make less than men. It's not fair, it's not right, but it's what is. If it comes time to decide someone to stay at home, finances usually play a big part, and whoever makes less is the more obvious candidate. Basing it totally on national averages, that would more likely than not be the woman.
One of my (few) issues with day care is the cost. Paying for my daughters day care eats up a huge chunk of my income. So much of it in fact that there was a point where we debated me leaving my job, and trying to eek it out on just WorkingMan's income. After running the numbers it didn't make sense (I'm the health care, we cannot afford health care without me working.) I can see the cost of day care very easily becoming prohibitive to a woman who makes just a little less, or who's partner makes enough that they can live on just their income.
Now lets go down the road of both parents working. Now this is a situation I'm familiar with. We both work. We both juggle home and work commitments. There is no one at home taking care of the domestic side of things. When my daughter gets sick, we alternate who takes off from work to stay home with her. I am supremely lucky that I have an equal partner in this, who steps up and "leans in" at home. But even with all of that help, with both parents working, neither of us is giving 100% either at home or at work. I have to leave on time to go pick up my daughter, which means I couldn't take on a project that would require me to work late.
Another factor in this whole mess is income. If I made enough to hire a nanny, or to be able to order food more often, or to hire someone to come clean our house, things might be easier. If I could pay someone to make us dinner, or to do some of those household chores (Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc) There would be so much more time in our days. There would me more room for "leaning in" to whatever we wanted. Instead, if WorkingMan is late getting home from work, I miss a run. If one of us doesn't run the dish washer, or start that load of laundry, we run out of clothes or dishes.
I guess my frustration stems from the fact that our society right now is just not set up to support the working family. Unless you stumble into an ideal situation, or are lucky enough to be able to work your way there, every choice is a compromise. And when every choice is a compromise, you cannot give yourself 100% to anything.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
Aaah serenity
I came to a conclusion this weekend, somewhere around mile 3 of a 4 mile run. Everything seems easier to deal with when I'm getting in regular (outdoor) runs. I make the caveat of outdoor runs, because lately, treadmill runs have become a chore. Mostly because I'm running while staring at a blank wall. If I had something to watch I think it would be better, but for now, the caveat stands.
I don't know if it's getting outside after such a long winter, or being able to just be alone in my head without my circus of worry and stress, but after that long run this weekend, I felt capable. Maybe it was the fact that four miles was longer than I've ever run before. Maybe it was the fact that I had outdone my usual pace, and out ran my running partners. Whatever it was, after the run I felt like I could do this. Things would be ok.
And even today, with a tad more stress and a bit less optimism, I still feel like I'm handling it. I'm finding some balance.
Things may be far from my ideal, but they're alright. We're making it work.
One of the things we are planning on doing going forward is meal planning. We're going to sit down and figure out different (and hopefully new occasionally) meals for each night we cook during the week. And meals, unlike what we've been doing, will mean more than one dish.
Right now our dinners look like this: Pasta and maybe some microwaved corn. Or rice with store bought curry. A complicated meal might be Lemon Dill Salmon with a side of baked fries. Also, we eat the same five or six meals every week. We need some variety! So, the solution is meal planning.
We didn't have time to implement it this week, but we will be doing it for next week. I'm hoping that this takes some of the stress out of the "What are we eating tonight?" and the boredom out that results too often in "Oh man, I'm so sick of this, can't we just order out?!"
I'm still looking around for some good meal planning resources. I know there are some good ones out there. Right now I'm mostly using pinterest!
I don't know if it's getting outside after such a long winter, or being able to just be alone in my head without my circus of worry and stress, but after that long run this weekend, I felt capable. Maybe it was the fact that four miles was longer than I've ever run before. Maybe it was the fact that I had outdone my usual pace, and out ran my running partners. Whatever it was, after the run I felt like I could do this. Things would be ok.
And even today, with a tad more stress and a bit less optimism, I still feel like I'm handling it. I'm finding some balance.
Things may be far from my ideal, but they're alright. We're making it work.
One of the things we are planning on doing going forward is meal planning. We're going to sit down and figure out different (and hopefully new occasionally) meals for each night we cook during the week. And meals, unlike what we've been doing, will mean more than one dish.
Right now our dinners look like this: Pasta and maybe some microwaved corn. Or rice with store bought curry. A complicated meal might be Lemon Dill Salmon with a side of baked fries. Also, we eat the same five or six meals every week. We need some variety! So, the solution is meal planning.
We didn't have time to implement it this week, but we will be doing it for next week. I'm hoping that this takes some of the stress out of the "What are we eating tonight?" and the boredom out that results too often in "Oh man, I'm so sick of this, can't we just order out?!"
I'm still looking around for some good meal planning resources. I know there are some good ones out there. Right now I'm mostly using pinterest!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Second Day of Spring
Today is officially the second day of spring, but since it is the day after the solstice, it feels more like the first real day of spring.
Outside my window at work the sun is shining and there is blue sky peaking through the clouds. I know it's cold outside today, hovering in the low 30's, but this weekend it's foretasted to get up near 40. That's warm enough to take the jogging stroller out and break it in.
I'm trying to have a more positive outlook on all of this. I'm contemplating some new information that may be opening up new options for me, and may give me the flexibility I need to move my life in the direction I want it to move.
I think the applicable expression is "It's always darkest just before the dawn."
Perhaps the hopelessness I've been feeling was a sign that things were just about to change. If things go the way I'm hoping, I'll post about it, about the options I found. Because I find them Ironic in some ways. In the Alanis Morissette definition of Irony.
I am hopefull, for the first time in a long time, and after a long tough night, that things are moving forward.
Here's to new beginnings.
Outside my window at work the sun is shining and there is blue sky peaking through the clouds. I know it's cold outside today, hovering in the low 30's, but this weekend it's foretasted to get up near 40. That's warm enough to take the jogging stroller out and break it in.
I'm trying to have a more positive outlook on all of this. I'm contemplating some new information that may be opening up new options for me, and may give me the flexibility I need to move my life in the direction I want it to move.
I think the applicable expression is "It's always darkest just before the dawn."
Perhaps the hopelessness I've been feeling was a sign that things were just about to change. If things go the way I'm hoping, I'll post about it, about the options I found. Because I find them Ironic in some ways. In the Alanis Morissette definition of Irony.
I am hopefull, for the first time in a long time, and after a long tough night, that things are moving forward.
Here's to new beginnings.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
"If I die before I learn to speak, can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep."
"If I die before I learn to speak, can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep."
This line speaks so much to me so often. Every day I wake up tired, and go to work. I come home tired from work, try to get myself to work out, clean, maybe cook, play with my daughter. The whole time I'm tired. I just want to sleep, to relax. I don't enjoy feeding my daughter or playing with her, because I'm tired, and just want to relax.
The title of this blog is "Working on the balance", I meant for this to be a place where I could share everything that goes into balancing my life. Work/home balance, balancing my health and fitness goals, finding time for me, finding time to enjoy my very young daughter. Finding my mental balance.
Right now, I have no balance. I am rushing headlong into the future, running full force simply because anything else would leave me flat on my back and incapable of coping.
I never meant for this blog to be what is seems to be right now. A place where I sporadically dump all my negativity, so that it doesn't spill over into the rest of my life.
I hate that i rarely post here.
I hate that I rarely have time or energy to post here.
When I was pregnant and for a while after I had my daughter, I looked forward to returning to work. I have always been someone who felt the need to be productive, when I wasn't (for a few years in a few points in my life) employed, I tended to languish, becoming increasingly depressed and lazy.
This time was different. As my maternity leave wound down, I found myself regretting the time I was going to be away from my daughter. When I went back to work, to a job I do truly enjoy, I found myself only half involved. My head and heart is often not in my work these days.
I tried telling myself that what I was doing was best for my daughter. Me working did a few very good things for her. It allowed us to purchase a house, with a back yard, in a neighborhood we love. It will show her, in the future, that women can do this. That she can have a family and a career.
I am lucky enough to have a partner that shares equally (oh who am I kidding, he does a lot more than his share) in the domestic day to day chores. One who cooks, cleans, folds laundry, does dishes, changes diapers, wakes up in the middle of the night, and every other small thing that comes with having a small child in a house where food is eaten, clothes are worn, and life is lived.
I am doubly blessed that his family and mine helped out tremendously with child care right after she was born. We had to transition her into traditional day care about a month ago after my nephew was born, since the Aunt that was watching her, would now be watching him. I lucked out with the day care she goes to now, they're awesome people, and now that she's adjusted to them, she loves them.
But all of this help seems like a drop in the bucket, and as often as not is offset by other things. The day care is awesome, yes, but it is pricey. Knowing that a significant portion of my income (read almost all) is going to pay for the day care so that I can work depresses me. It also leads to an extremely tight financial situation, where every expenditure needs to be calculated, debated and budgeted for. I'm managing the finances (barely), which means watching that balance like a hawk.
Even with all of the help from WorkingMan, the house is still a mess. It goes in cycles of better and worse, we clean on the weekends, and then all week it gets slowly messier. Dishes pile up, laundry piles up, random things end up strewn around the living room. Even in it's "clean" state, there are still the piles of clean laundry that never get put away and the still packed boxes in the back room. Last week some friends and their four year old came over for dinner. This required a panicked cleaning of the downstairs to get it "guest ready." It also resulted in a giant box of "We need to go through this" stuff that was cleaned off the dining room table so we could use it. That box is now awaiting attention in the infamous back room of doom.
I keep thinking that if only I could focus, we could get on top of all of this, and hit a rhythm. It never happens though. I can feel us starting to fall further and further behind on everything from bills to cleaning. There's cat puke on the carpet in the hallway, the upstairs bathroom is starting to get a little gross. The buffer we built up in our bank account has eroded. We are almost literally living paycheck to paycheck.
All of this is adding up to a slowly suffocating feeling of hopelessness that sits in my chest most days. Somewhere along the way I started day dreaming of staying home with my daughter, or at the very most working part time. Of having the time to actually clean the carpets and put away the clean clothes. Of not feeling a sense of panic when someone asks us if we can hang out because ohmygodifwedothatwhenarewegoingtodo(insert weekly chore here)?! And then the realization that unless things that are outside of my control change, that will never happen. That this is it. This is the best I can do. Try to manage the chaos and panic and just keep moving forward. Keep things just shy of disaster.
It's not balance, is far from anything one could say is even remotely related to balance. It's holding the ship together with shoe strings and duct tape.
The worst is feeling I can't speak up and say I can't do this anymore. I can't ask more of everyone who's helped me so much already, and really, I don't have a choice but to keep moving.
Right now I'm struggling to keep the good things in mind. My desk at work is covered with pictures of my daughter. I stare at them and try to remember that I'm doing this so that she can grow up in a house, with food and health care and two parents who love her. It's hard some days, actually it's hard every day.
I'm tired of it being hard.
This line speaks so much to me so often. Every day I wake up tired, and go to work. I come home tired from work, try to get myself to work out, clean, maybe cook, play with my daughter. The whole time I'm tired. I just want to sleep, to relax. I don't enjoy feeding my daughter or playing with her, because I'm tired, and just want to relax.
The title of this blog is "Working on the balance", I meant for this to be a place where I could share everything that goes into balancing my life. Work/home balance, balancing my health and fitness goals, finding time for me, finding time to enjoy my very young daughter. Finding my mental balance.
Right now, I have no balance. I am rushing headlong into the future, running full force simply because anything else would leave me flat on my back and incapable of coping.
I never meant for this blog to be what is seems to be right now. A place where I sporadically dump all my negativity, so that it doesn't spill over into the rest of my life.
I hate that i rarely post here.
I hate that I rarely have time or energy to post here.
When I was pregnant and for a while after I had my daughter, I looked forward to returning to work. I have always been someone who felt the need to be productive, when I wasn't (for a few years in a few points in my life) employed, I tended to languish, becoming increasingly depressed and lazy.
This time was different. As my maternity leave wound down, I found myself regretting the time I was going to be away from my daughter. When I went back to work, to a job I do truly enjoy, I found myself only half involved. My head and heart is often not in my work these days.
I tried telling myself that what I was doing was best for my daughter. Me working did a few very good things for her. It allowed us to purchase a house, with a back yard, in a neighborhood we love. It will show her, in the future, that women can do this. That she can have a family and a career.
I am lucky enough to have a partner that shares equally (oh who am I kidding, he does a lot more than his share) in the domestic day to day chores. One who cooks, cleans, folds laundry, does dishes, changes diapers, wakes up in the middle of the night, and every other small thing that comes with having a small child in a house where food is eaten, clothes are worn, and life is lived.
I am doubly blessed that his family and mine helped out tremendously with child care right after she was born. We had to transition her into traditional day care about a month ago after my nephew was born, since the Aunt that was watching her, would now be watching him. I lucked out with the day care she goes to now, they're awesome people, and now that she's adjusted to them, she loves them.
But all of this help seems like a drop in the bucket, and as often as not is offset by other things. The day care is awesome, yes, but it is pricey. Knowing that a significant portion of my income (read almost all) is going to pay for the day care so that I can work depresses me. It also leads to an extremely tight financial situation, where every expenditure needs to be calculated, debated and budgeted for. I'm managing the finances (barely), which means watching that balance like a hawk.
Even with all of the help from WorkingMan, the house is still a mess. It goes in cycles of better and worse, we clean on the weekends, and then all week it gets slowly messier. Dishes pile up, laundry piles up, random things end up strewn around the living room. Even in it's "clean" state, there are still the piles of clean laundry that never get put away and the still packed boxes in the back room. Last week some friends and their four year old came over for dinner. This required a panicked cleaning of the downstairs to get it "guest ready." It also resulted in a giant box of "We need to go through this" stuff that was cleaned off the dining room table so we could use it. That box is now awaiting attention in the infamous back room of doom.
I keep thinking that if only I could focus, we could get on top of all of this, and hit a rhythm. It never happens though. I can feel us starting to fall further and further behind on everything from bills to cleaning. There's cat puke on the carpet in the hallway, the upstairs bathroom is starting to get a little gross. The buffer we built up in our bank account has eroded. We are almost literally living paycheck to paycheck.
All of this is adding up to a slowly suffocating feeling of hopelessness that sits in my chest most days. Somewhere along the way I started day dreaming of staying home with my daughter, or at the very most working part time. Of having the time to actually clean the carpets and put away the clean clothes. Of not feeling a sense of panic when someone asks us if we can hang out because ohmygodifwedothatwhenarewegoingtodo(insert weekly chore here)?! And then the realization that unless things that are outside of my control change, that will never happen. That this is it. This is the best I can do. Try to manage the chaos and panic and just keep moving forward. Keep things just shy of disaster.
It's not balance, is far from anything one could say is even remotely related to balance. It's holding the ship together with shoe strings and duct tape.
The worst is feeling I can't speak up and say I can't do this anymore. I can't ask more of everyone who's helped me so much already, and really, I don't have a choice but to keep moving.
Right now I'm struggling to keep the good things in mind. My desk at work is covered with pictures of my daughter. I stare at them and try to remember that I'm doing this so that she can grow up in a house, with food and health care and two parents who love her. It's hard some days, actually it's hard every day.
I'm tired of it being hard.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
How do you afford your rock and roll lifestyle?
The answer of course is by working. Working enough to make enough to afford all the things you need.
But working takes time, and time has become a very precious commodity. Especially now, I feel like I just don't have enough time. Ever. It's always a game of "What do I have time for" vs. "What can I put off a bit longer?"
Recently I decided that getting back into shape needed a priority spot. So I'm running every day when I get home from work. This is a good thing, right? I'm doing something for myself, something healthy!
So why do I feel so stressed?
Baby Girl had been going through a rough patch with the sleeping lately. This means no ones getting much sleep around out house. Even going to bed early (between 10 and 11) and me giving in and taking a nap on Sunday, both me and WorkingMan are exhausted. Which makes for a lot of snippy-ness and general unhappiness.
It's kind of freezing out right now, in the low teens, so the poor dog isn't getting walked, which makes him hyper. With us being as tired as we are, the last thing we need is a hyper 80 lb. dog. There's also something up with the cat's eye, and I need to remember to make a vet appointment for him. That keeps falling off my list.
A visual representation of my inability to maintain the balance in my life is the general state of our house. There is a giant pile of laundry at the foot of our bed. It is clean laundry. It never gets put away. We basically just live out of two piles, clean laundry at the foot of the bed, dirty laundry on the side of the bed. Baby Girls room is similarly styled. Giant pile of clean baby clothes next to the rocker. Toys perched precariously on top of the bookcase, however i can get them to stay there. Everywhere in our house there are piles, toys, papers that need going through, christmas gifts we still haven't gotten around to putting away...
Dishes in the sink, dishes on the counter top. The floors need to be moped and vacuumed. The bathroom needs to be cleaned. There are still boxes and boxes of things in the back room that we haven't unpacked since we moved in, in August.
I've been working on a baby blanket for my Sister in law since I found out she was pregnant. She had the baby almost a month ago. The blanket still isn't done. Every now and then I find the time to sit still and knit a row, but not often. Usually if I'm sitting still it's because either I'm holding baby girl, or I'm asleep.
Both of us are working full time, both of us pitch in around the house. WorkingMan actually does a lot of the house hold stuff, he cooks more than half the nights, cleans like a person possessed and is the only one that can load the dishwasher in a way that gets almost all of the dishes in at one time.
And yet, the house is still a mess. We are still living at the edge of our budget. We are both tired, stressed and unable to fully enjoy this amazing time in Baby Girls life.
Maybe its the dark, maybe its the cold. Maybe my attitude and outlook will be better next month. But honestly, this balancing act sucks.
But working takes time, and time has become a very precious commodity. Especially now, I feel like I just don't have enough time. Ever. It's always a game of "What do I have time for" vs. "What can I put off a bit longer?"
Recently I decided that getting back into shape needed a priority spot. So I'm running every day when I get home from work. This is a good thing, right? I'm doing something for myself, something healthy!
So why do I feel so stressed?
Baby Girl had been going through a rough patch with the sleeping lately. This means no ones getting much sleep around out house. Even going to bed early (between 10 and 11) and me giving in and taking a nap on Sunday, both me and WorkingMan are exhausted. Which makes for a lot of snippy-ness and general unhappiness.
It's kind of freezing out right now, in the low teens, so the poor dog isn't getting walked, which makes him hyper. With us being as tired as we are, the last thing we need is a hyper 80 lb. dog. There's also something up with the cat's eye, and I need to remember to make a vet appointment for him. That keeps falling off my list.
A visual representation of my inability to maintain the balance in my life is the general state of our house. There is a giant pile of laundry at the foot of our bed. It is clean laundry. It never gets put away. We basically just live out of two piles, clean laundry at the foot of the bed, dirty laundry on the side of the bed. Baby Girls room is similarly styled. Giant pile of clean baby clothes next to the rocker. Toys perched precariously on top of the bookcase, however i can get them to stay there. Everywhere in our house there are piles, toys, papers that need going through, christmas gifts we still haven't gotten around to putting away...
Dishes in the sink, dishes on the counter top. The floors need to be moped and vacuumed. The bathroom needs to be cleaned. There are still boxes and boxes of things in the back room that we haven't unpacked since we moved in, in August.
I've been working on a baby blanket for my Sister in law since I found out she was pregnant. She had the baby almost a month ago. The blanket still isn't done. Every now and then I find the time to sit still and knit a row, but not often. Usually if I'm sitting still it's because either I'm holding baby girl, or I'm asleep.
Both of us are working full time, both of us pitch in around the house. WorkingMan actually does a lot of the house hold stuff, he cooks more than half the nights, cleans like a person possessed and is the only one that can load the dishwasher in a way that gets almost all of the dishes in at one time.
And yet, the house is still a mess. We are still living at the edge of our budget. We are both tired, stressed and unable to fully enjoy this amazing time in Baby Girls life.
Maybe its the dark, maybe its the cold. Maybe my attitude and outlook will be better next month. But honestly, this balancing act sucks.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
New year, new start
In a very graphic demonstration of the lack of balance in my life, this blog has been horribly neglected. Between work, family and baby, the me part is getting left in the dust.
Being back at work has been, in a lot of ways, unhealthy for me. I had been doing well loosing the baby-weight while I was at home, but once I headed back into the office I no longer had time to exercise. I sit at work all day. I come home and sit on the floor with the baby. I started to eat for convenience, since I no longer had time to cook healthy meals. My weight started to creep back up.
My wake up about my weight happened at a doctors visit. I am participating in a study about pregnancy. They needed my 6 month postpartum weight. 183.5 lbs. I couldn't believe the number on that scale.
So in this new year, I have decided that things need to change. I need to carve out a little bit of time each day to make sure I'm doing what I need to do for me. I've installed a food journaling App on my phone, and I'm going to try to ease myself down to eating 1380 calories a day. I'm committed to getting at least a half hour of exercise at least three days a week, more if I have time for it.
We'll address the other issues, like stress and money, later. For now, this is a step forward. Finally a step forward.
Being back at work has been, in a lot of ways, unhealthy for me. I had been doing well loosing the baby-weight while I was at home, but once I headed back into the office I no longer had time to exercise. I sit at work all day. I come home and sit on the floor with the baby. I started to eat for convenience, since I no longer had time to cook healthy meals. My weight started to creep back up.
My wake up about my weight happened at a doctors visit. I am participating in a study about pregnancy. They needed my 6 month postpartum weight. 183.5 lbs. I couldn't believe the number on that scale.
So in this new year, I have decided that things need to change. I need to carve out a little bit of time each day to make sure I'm doing what I need to do for me. I've installed a food journaling App on my phone, and I'm going to try to ease myself down to eating 1380 calories a day. I'm committed to getting at least a half hour of exercise at least three days a week, more if I have time for it.
We'll address the other issues, like stress and money, later. For now, this is a step forward. Finally a step forward.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Trials of a working Mom
All Mom's (and Dad's) in my opinion are "working" parents, but in this context I mean a Mom who has to leave her child with someone (Dad, Grandparents, Relatives, Nanny or Daycare) to do something that earns a wage.
There are so many things that are compromises when you are a working parent. So many things that before you went back to work you didn't even think of. I've already run head long into quite a few sticky situations.
I have completed my first full week back at work, and am a few days into my third "week" back. I know everything will run smoother once everyone gets used to the new schedule, but man oh man this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
The original schedule we had worked out wasn't working so well, so we had to juggle things around. We are so so lucky to have amazing family around us to help with child care, there is no way we could afford full time daycare.
I miss my baby girl all day, and can't wait to go pick her up every afternoon. When I get home all I want to do is hold her. Which I usually do for about an hour after I get home, since I'm breastfeeding. Speaking of which, fitting in pumping at work, and keeping up my supply, has been a trial. Preping bottles, and knowing how much to bring for her to eat during the day has also been hard. There were a few scary days there where I thought it just wasn't going to work. I was watching our frozen supply dwindle, and knowing I wasn't producing enough to replenish it. Luckily my production went up a notch, so it's not looking so dire right now.
Lets face it, everything about this is hard. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that we have to do around our work schedules. We just moved into a new house, which we still haven't unpacked because, really, who has the time to unpack boxes?! The laundry is clean, but we live out of the laundry basket right now.
I feel so disorganized and scattered most of the time. Getting out to see family and friends on the weekend eats up what little free time we have. There are so many things I feel like I'm missing out on, or not fully enjoying. I really hope this gets easier.
There are so many things that are compromises when you are a working parent. So many things that before you went back to work you didn't even think of. I've already run head long into quite a few sticky situations.
I have completed my first full week back at work, and am a few days into my third "week" back. I know everything will run smoother once everyone gets used to the new schedule, but man oh man this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
The original schedule we had worked out wasn't working so well, so we had to juggle things around. We are so so lucky to have amazing family around us to help with child care, there is no way we could afford full time daycare.
I miss my baby girl all day, and can't wait to go pick her up every afternoon. When I get home all I want to do is hold her. Which I usually do for about an hour after I get home, since I'm breastfeeding. Speaking of which, fitting in pumping at work, and keeping up my supply, has been a trial. Preping bottles, and knowing how much to bring for her to eat during the day has also been hard. There were a few scary days there where I thought it just wasn't going to work. I was watching our frozen supply dwindle, and knowing I wasn't producing enough to replenish it. Luckily my production went up a notch, so it's not looking so dire right now.
Lets face it, everything about this is hard. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that we have to do around our work schedules. We just moved into a new house, which we still haven't unpacked because, really, who has the time to unpack boxes?! The laundry is clean, but we live out of the laundry basket right now.
I feel so disorganized and scattered most of the time. Getting out to see family and friends on the weekend eats up what little free time we have. There are so many things I feel like I'm missing out on, or not fully enjoying. I really hope this gets easier.
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